time..I will wait

Time.
Time tells all. It reveals how patient you really are. Time soothes most pains. It creates a baby in 9 months. Time, zones in on your deepest secrets and flaws. With time you grow into something. A certain number of days tells you when you will see that person again. Its like an unwritten contract with many problems. In due time. This too shall pass. The cookies will be done at this time. Waiting is usually parallel to time, as so is speed and slowness.

Time is very essential in our lives. We cannot grasp how God works in time because it has no bound on Him. But the bound it has on us is linear. Nothing can remove us from this linear line. It strangles us down.

I once thought that I could leap over this time issue. I thought that I could heal from my Mom's death in a rapid motion. I was so terribly wrong. It will be almost 5 years since my mom passed away. I still remember when it was only two. I have come out of a dark space and that dark space lasted so long. Though only time could of healed it. Last October it was the first time I did something for Halloween, the day my mom died. It took me 4 years to be ok with it.

I was so frustrated with time and how it worked...that it effected my relationships, my perception on reality, and made it harder to move on. I like dealing with things straight on and right away. I hate having them spread out. Because my mind will not stop circling the problem until it is dealt with.

BUT

Reality check. The thing is a lot of people don't deal with life this way. In fact most people I have encountered with don't. Those people have taught me how to be patient. To be patient with them and how they deal with the situation. Though of course certain scenarios trump others.

Time...here at home I have experienced and keep on experiencing at a slow rate. Life moves so slow here right now. My dad is constantly busy with work and the 100 of classes and dates he attends. So coming home to an empty house isn't fun at all. I have always known that one of my fears is to be alone. I'm not a fan of being alone. My heart desires to find someone that will discover the world with me. Even if the world is just my backyard. To be honest, it doesn't even have to be a guy. A soulmate of a friend next to my side will do.

As you sit here reading my blog think of your life right now. What are you waiting for? Is it worth the wait and time? Will you be better in the end? Don't avoid things and put time and wait where it isn't needed. We hate waiting so much but sometimes it is in our hands if we wait or not. Don't wait to tell someone you love them...feelings should never be repressed. Life is new everyday and everyday you wait to take action your goal could be drifting farther and farther. Don't wait. Because there will be plenty things in your life that you will have to wait on.

Over time I have forgotten my mom's voice because it slowly turns into my voice. With time my mind has pushed things in files in the back where I can't easily reach them. Life really sucks at times. We lose people. Then we lose some of the memories we held with them. We lose friends that once touched our hearts so deep. We lose faith in God and somehow maybe gain it back. We lose. Though I know I have won. I get up in the morning and face the day that makes me take risks with losing, gaining, and waiting. I risk giving my heart to my friends...I risk being bold and truthful...I risk.

So because of time I will wait. I wait to know what it feels like to not have my mother at my wedding. I wait to know it feels like to be so close to someone it hurts. I will wait to know what it feels like to have a career. I will wait to know what it will be like when I settle down. I will wait to see my brother again. I will wait. I will wait. I will not wait to say I love the the ones I love. I will not wait to be honest. I will not wait to experience life. yolo