My excuse? I jumped outside of my head and onto the pavement. I literally found a voice outside of my head. It took years to understand that I am not shy, I am only highly "choosy" of who I talk to.
I think I would like to write more in this blog. I have had it for years so why stop?
I'm back I guess?
Who called this to my attention? Breea. She said she kept refreshing it to see if I ever wrote anything more in it. Well, here I am Breea writing hopefully you refresh soon.
I usually would use this blog to get these intense thoughts out of my head and into the vortex of the internet. A question that needed to be answered would circle in my mind for weeks until I would settle on an answer. So it is back to learning about the universe.
Let me update you on what has happened over the course of two years. I left the mental health hospital where I worked. I decided to become a bartender. I have also decided to open up a queer bar. I am no where near ashamed of my sexuality. I find myself to be spiritual but not religious. That is a true conundrum for some people to understand. I'm here for you to judge me right? NO, the answer is no but we all know you are going to anyways.
Any who now that you know every single detail of my life in the most cut throat synopsis let's move on.
I will have several grammatical errors. If you hate it then correct the grammar and let me know. I should care but having ADD and growing up in a private christian school isn't a helpful thing whatsoever.
Now that you are caught up as old and new readers we shall move on to the good stuff.
I love differently than most. Why? Because I am not like everyone else. Or so I like to think. My mind at times feels like an alien in the sea of people. Another reason why I haven't written in so long is because my anxiety has lessen quite a bit, hence being outside of my head. That alien in the sea of people was very real. Though as I get older I feel like I'm with a bunch of aliens in a sea of people.
I mean I got a fucking hammer tattoo with one of my best friends. That bunch of aliens has lessened my anxiety.
I used to be this girl that was fumbling through life. Absolutely fumbling and fumbling with other people. What I have noticed is we tend to find people similar to us to run life with. What I didn't notice until this week is that we also tend to find people that love similar to us. One of the best ways to know who you are in life is from a break up.
YES, I said it. I've had a few in my life whether it was a years time or months...or weeks. I have heard the same thing countless of times. "Brenna, you are real, solid, compassionate, loyal, and one of the most genuine persons I know." Of course after that they break up with me haha. It has all worked out for the better truly. And I don't have harsh feelings or oh I'm so alone. But that seriously feels amazing to look back at. Those characteristics of me is how I love.
So yes, I love in a way that if I say I am there...I am freakin there. I mean the things I say. I rarely say before I think and if I do I have learned the massive amounts of trouble I get in.
Some people may feel differently to me and if you do and if I have done wrong to you...know I am sorry. You may have captured a piece of me that was out of place. That piece that was forming into a person.
This blog is not about politics or what the hell is happening to our country. It is about my way of pushing out the pieces that are a person and filling it in with pieces of an alien. Conforming has never been my strong suit.
Are you ready to take this adventure? Get in the depths of my soul? This is your chance. And if not I always have my readers that seem to be Latin America.
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