I talk to myself way to much and justify it by talking to kitty

"Our attitudes need adjustment with every change that comes into our lives. Everyone encounters storms and dry wells in life, which threaten to wreck our attitude. The secret to safe arrival is to continually adjust your perspective."

Life, I cannot explain and I will never try. God allows turmoil and happiness all at the same time. Our parents die, we need emergency surgery, our friend doesn't like us anymore, your sibling is living in a completely different world than your family, the sky casts grey over head and it won't go away, the job you were hoping to get was given to someone else, and just fill in the blank with something negative.

Things that can't be explained rush into our lives all the time. It can be the most simplistic negative situation or it can be rather complex, but it still comes. We still have to face it. Though our choice is in how we face it. How we face it determines the rest of our life. A bit dramatic but in the long run it is true. 

I could of stayed in Michigan for the summer. It was an option. I decided to go home. When I came home things happened. Events started to take place and a lot of them I did not like. In fact I kind of hated them. I honestly don't hang out with a lot of people or anyone while I am home now. Its rather not by choice but by circumstance. This puts a weird solitude in my days. I hate it. I hate being alone this much and experiencing loneliness. It is not because I am uncomfortable with myself, it is because I crave community. I want my voice to be heard. I have noticed that I sing louder in the car now. I talk to myself way to much and justify it by talking to kitty. 

Though maybe my hatred needs to be changed into a newer view. Maybe I need this quietness to reflect on things I haven't done before. Read the books I want to read so badly. Make that piece of artwork I have longed to make. Take those pictures I've been wanting to shoot. Develop my blog better. Work on me more. Bake a cake to perfection. Love my Dad more. 

I want community. But maybe this time will be for me. A time where I can be better for my community.  I'm always terribly nervous for this time. I get sucked into my thoughts, my lonely thoughts. So then I find a great song. That is quiet and has a sweet melody to calm my head. A voice that seems angelic. I recently heard this song: Once Upon Another Time by Sara Bareilles. 

My dad often asks me for advice. Well often as I mean every time he needs advice. I listen to his words and then put in my honest opinion. I thought that this was absurd sometimes because I took it really personally...in a way that tired me out. I was honored but I also felt strange. I'm 21 and my dad is 59. I thought he had more experience in life. I pause and think. Maybe I'm blessed with something...haha I have no idea. Once I changed my attitude, it never bothered me so much. 

I walk along this path of life. I make choices and decisions. Some have been very good and others have made me learn the hard way. I'm tired of impressing people, of fitting in, of looking my best (others' best), and I'm tired of being treated as tough. I may seem like it. But really to be honest...Its not so much about being tough. It is about dealing with things. It is seeing things differently. It is allowing yourself to feel the pain or love...then moving to the next step. It is about making better choices than foolish ones. We all want to be comforted, loved, given attention, and we want it now. Its not that simple. Be independent first. Be you, your own person. Make life happen. 

I have noticed that in life you naturally become better friends with people that have struggled to some degree as your own. Or they take this genuine concern and aren't afraid of given you words. I have met a lot of people in my last three years of life. My heart grows fonder of the times when your new friend tells you about some hardship. Because once that happens you seem to look at them differently. Your eyes fall upon them like a single flower in a wheat field. For the moments to come in that relationship...they seem more fun, more enjoyable, and worth your while. I strive for this community. We weren't made to settle. That does not mean strive for success. No, this means we have a potential. We were made good. Lets be good together through everything I suppose.