Right now I live in a world that tries to be everything. It strives to be interesting, exciting, simplistic, cutting edge, calm, relaxing, "in", and everything in between. Then when the individual is looked at...it changes to some extent. The in between really isn't fun. It is the days where you are lonely, depressed, longing for something, and then you proceed to wait as you hang on. It is the time in the day where you look around and see that it is just you. No one can hear your thoughts and some of the thoughts are even terrifying to yourself.
The thing is, when moments arise where you actually feel comfortable to express yourself...you seize it. You grab hold of the moment where all your emotions are on the table and you know no one will judge you. Tears stream down your face for several reasons. Its been so long since you have expressed this. It actually feels good to cry. Even if you tried not to cry...you are going to cry. Holding it back is like holding the water back when it was rushing in the Titanic. The water couldn't of been stopped. It was simply inevitable that it was going to sink.
We live in a day as college students that everything is simply terrifying. We must do good once we get into college. After college it is a blood bath of getting the job. Trying so hard to just have your gifts appreciated. There isn't a day that goes by that isn't stressful once you get to the end.
Though as the tears fall and it seems hopeless to move on...remember this. Remember that the people around you are going through something similar. That we are all screwed up. The idea of looking at someone as if they have everything put together is wrong. You aren't in their head. Your worst enemy is yourself. You're thoughts can control you to any extreme. When they excel, they can't be stopped.
Today I went into my school's coffee shop. I was looking for a friend. I saw another one of my friends cleaning the expresso machines. I walked up to her and just looked at her awhile before she saw me. She has been through so much this semester. I wanted to just hug her so bad. I saw her face and their was light. I haven't seen the light in her face for months. I remembered everything that she has been going through for the past few months. My heart was filled.
We act as though the world is crashing and the floor beneath our feet is crumbling. And sometimes it really is. We feel has though we have failed completely. Our hearts are forever alone because of how many other hearts we have failed...including our own. But and yes there is a 'but'. As complex and distorted life can get...simplicity is all we have at the end of the day. A friend making us a meal, a smile from a once broken heart, a hand that gently reaches over and holds your's, your favorite song that just keeps on replaying, an embrace that seems too good to pass up, a joke that is too crude for your parents to see, and the list goes on. The list is far bigger than the list you can come with...that is full of bad things.
When all seems like shit...remember simplicity. God is in simplicity...believe it or not. When my mom passed away, all I held onto was the simplistic things in life.
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