tat me now please

What is it about music? What gets us to the extreme to stand up and raise our hands? That feeling that goes from your heart to your hands to your feet. When sitting is not enough. The body you were given needs to move. It wants to move. The feeling of almost being overwhelmed but not just yet. When you want to escape and you can just by raising your hands up in glory and honor. How can I describe that sensation that surges through your bones and veins. I can't do it. I can't describe the feeling I have where I feel as if I am touching God. He is physically grabbing all of me and saying its ok my daughter I love you. I love you unconditionally. I saw my mom have that feeling inside her even though she wasn't in church worshiping God. I saw her worship through all her actions displayed. I saw the unconditional love had on her. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!! UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!! I want that. I have that given to me every day, every minute, every split second I am given here on earth and that love will continue in heaven. And that is why I want unconditional love written on me permanently on my body until I die. This isn't to remind me because I get reminded of it every day, every minute, every split second I am given here on earth. I want it to remind others. I want others to ask me. This isn't my way of getting out of formal evangelism but this only one to evangelize.

MISS THEM

I miss. I miss what? her, him, that experience, that thought, that weather.

I hate the longing feeling. The pull on your heart when you think about something you do not have with you at that moment. Does that feeling make you weaker? Or does it show you that you appreciate whatever you do not have? I'm honestly not sure if that is a symbol of weakness or just plain love. face it we tend to get dependent on people or things far too often.

A little side note because i really dont want to lose this thought.
When we address someone who is a female and isnt married we direct them with Miss. Miss originated from the 17th century so this is old stuff here. When a girl gets married its changed to Mrs. with a period. Now think of this concept. When the girl is unmarried she is Missing a husband. But once she does marry it is replaced with r...
Mr + Miss = Mrs.
We long for our other half so much it shows in culture!
Anyways
Who do you miss and why? Is someone in your life across the country? Are they dead? what is it? Rather missing them maybe you should direct your attention to the ppl already in your life. Are you appreciating them? loving them?

I constantly long/miss two people in my life. One has pasted and is far away. And the other is alive, in my city, and is with me most of the time. You see you can never get rid of the longing feeling its always there no matter where the person is. You might see them every single day and you can still miss them......

Or do you long for them enough that you know you can spend the rest of your life with them. Is that a longing? yes I think so. But is it the beginning of missing them? You know that once they leave you will miss them no matter what.

I wrote this a year ago. I am at that point again in my life. I am far far away from the people who know me. Its an incredible thought to think about. The feeling of Miss is a product of love. I love you therefore I miss you. I miss the way you feel. I miss the way you talk. I miss your flaws. I miss you. Missing isnt a bad thing. It shows you who you love. I'll be honest i miss some of my friends more than my other friends. I miss my family differently than I miss my friends because I know that my family will always be apart of me. They share my blood. With friends there is always a possibility that they can drift apart. Two different kinds of missing. I miss qualities in my friends that would be so useful if they were here with me. I miss their perks and their quirks. The thing that gets me almost every time is; If he or she were here right now they would just die! Mom would know exactly what to say here. I need to send them a picture of this now!

The longing hurts but friends really that longing just means that you love some one. You care endlessly about them. MISS THEM. you know you love them

Digging or Standing?

For the first time I'm not that nervous. In a week or so I start school in a new state. I will be somewhere where I know no one. I have no one to run to just yet. i'm not nervous. I am not thinking about the "ifs". my mind is at peace. I'm relaxed and my face isn't breaking out like normal. For the first time I'm not freaking out about life. I am officially at ease. God is a wonderful god. I'm about get into something where i have to make decision after decision. These decisions will affect after college ends. I know that my attitude might change a bit when i am faced with things face to face but right now I will soak in this attitude as long as I can. Most of you who know me know that I do not have this attitude. I tend to be a complainer and freak out about the big things. i'm know to be a very laid-back person but if you really know me you would know that I can be very opposite of that. Life has thrown curve ball after curve at me and I have reacted slightly the same every time but with a twist of a new reaction. I have learned that shutting down isn't the right thing to do. I have learned that complaining about it never helps. I have learned acting like it never happened does not work at all, especially in the long run. I have learned that talking directly to God and no one else is the best method. Asking God what to do then mediating THEN getting it out of my system and talking to someone is the best method. Keeping a solid and steady relationship with God provides smooth sailing. I have learned a lot this summer. For the past years God has taught me lessons and this summer He tested me. I think I pasted with an 83%. Which I think is pretty good. In my room there is this poster that i made that lists all the the lessons I have learned from the past 2 years. I left it at home. I left the past behind me to learn new lessons and build on the old ones. Life is good when you accept the responsibilities in life. Life is good when you accept the lessons that are taught. Digging your heels in will only have your heels in the dirt. Standing tall with your hand in God's hand will allow you to run with only dirt on your feet instead of dirt all over your body.
the end

I kneel for the first time in months

heavy on my heart. the blood pumps and quiets down then starts again. pain reaching my chest down to my toes. I kneel for the first time in months. absorbing the hard ground in my knees. tears with every word come down deep in my throat. Life hits me. moving with the breeze and flowing gently where ever it decides to go. My body like a feather. My mind doesn't ponder. I am silent. I am here but not here. I fall to the stopping of the wind. My absence is awaken to my mind and heart. No life in me but suddenly a breath jilts me. Stones of problems hit me in the neck, in the side, in the stomach. problems made by me. Stone after stone. Awaken I notice. Awaken I fear. Awaken I am here. With each rock on my skin my words do not form. I cannot write. I cannot speak. The sentence I form to talk with you dies down quickly. The words die and I only try to make new ones. Fast pace. Move me. shock me. awaken me. heavy on my heart I kneel. heavy on my heart listen to me. what my heart speaks makes sense to my me. I break before you. I fall short before you. heavy on my heart listen to me. I love you. Love me. I will fail you. I did fail you. Love me. heavy on my heart the blood pumps through my body. Blood pulsing. forming a beat. listen to me. I fall short before. I am short. I am short. I will never be tall. I can try all I want. I will never be. heavy on my heart O God. Hear my cry. heavy on my heart. I long for the grasp. I long for the linger around my waist. hold me tight. HOLD me tight. give me comfort. give me the needs. i do not want. I do not want. I desire. I crave. I need. heavy on my heart, please hurry. Weakened. I don't understand the fall but every time I understand when I get to the top. Heavy on my heart. heavy...heavy...pumping. keeping me alive. keep me alive. awaken.