This is the fight

Some days I feel like escaping everything. Putting myself in solitude from everyone else. My thoughts almost feel penetrated and I cannot escape it. Every word I speak gets twisted around into something far from the truth. No one understands me and it is as if I am made into this bad guy. I suffocate. My breath is shortened and I cannot feel my pulse. My rhythm is lost and I start going down this speeding spiral.

When I gain back my pulse, it is when I pray to God.

Today I feel like that but in a more intense way. Nothing seems real. I feel like I am in this dream like world and the only good thing it is producing is my head ache....telling me that I am still alive. It is the day where I keep fighting for air but I'm not getting it. I'm not sure at all if other people ever get this. Most likely not. Most likely I am the only average person that feels this. My throat is actually getting suffocated.

rest...

rest...

I need rest.

And I find rest in the Lord. I know what I should do. I know the right ways. It's just actually doing it and giving it up to God. Letting go of it all. Letting my mind stop thinking and producing thoughts that are trapping me. I'm not perfect but I am not useless either. This is the fight.