its just what we decide to do in the fog

"write hard and clear about what hurts" - Ernst Hemingway

When you are dating someone the reality of them one day not being there is only faint in the back of your mind. The things that distance you from thinking like this might be because you talk every day or see each other every day, who knows...every relationship is different. Though whatever the relationship is like there are expectations and the expectations grow as time moves.

I've been putting myself out there all over again. It is strange in many ways. I mostly want to meet new people. However, putting myself out there post-college is the probably the strangest thing. Meeting people at bars really isn't the ideal. Meeting people at church could be a possibility but the stigmas of "church dating" do not appeal to me. Meeting people in a coffee shop is oddly obscure because almost everyone at a coffee shop is working on work or school. Meeting people via friends seems to be the best option? And then the last option is work. (I could never do that unless it is strictly not romantic)

So what do you do? I have no idea. I'm trying to figure out life as it is. I can't decide on jobs to apply to because everything is starting to just taste bland. How exciting is that?! So the next step I presume is looking at graduate schools. My GPA is close to crap so it narrows down my selections. Does that mean it makes it easier?

I've been running into walls after walls with a select people and then with a select career moves. Is it that twentysomething blues? Most likely, I'm sure of it.
As a half joke half serious gesture one of my good friends talked me into getting that lovely inviting app called tinder. I've been scoping it out a few times and every time I open it up I start to laugh way too hard than I should. I just don't understand how you can take it seriously. Have I dropped below the bar and now I am using tinder of all things? I don't know...but I think I am embarking on a new chapter of my life of not caring in totality of what people think. I want to do wood working so I started to email people for internships. I have no idea what that means but I suppose I might be making a career movement. Its never too late.
I need to start making decisions. I need to start taking more control of my choices. I need to. I'm calling up people I haven't seen in forever. I'm calling up people that need to hang out. I'm calling up events and groups that I would never do in the past. Maybe I found some weird form of courage while life seems to be changing. I am not sure.

I don't know what the answers are or if there will ever be a revealing of the correct answers. I've learned that I need to write hard and clear about what hurts whether thats my personal journal or on here. I need be fluid and clear. To not let the past affect me in the wrong way but the right way so that I can move forward to other things. I must push forward and make the hard decisions like maybe moving and mending a broken heart. Life will never stop being foggy its just what we decide to do in the fog.