I will fight for you sanity...

To Focus I need to get it out. To study for this test I need to get the emotion out. So many questions and so many answers of "I dunno". Well, I want to know many things. Things of why you chose this and not that. Why you are on this path and not me? Why did you struggle so much and not speak out? why couldn't I of helped you? Putting me in a useless spot. I want to be the shoulder for you to cry on and the comfort arms of a hug. I want wipe away the tears when you cry. I want to be home so I can drive to you and visit you. The wants are endless and yet they help nothing. My mind spins around in the wants, it cannot settle for a moment. Would you be semi ok if she had lived? Would you be chasing your dreams and living in love? If she had lived...would have been ok? The choice was yours and the choice was mine. I want to remove the confusion and the diffusion of comfort in your life. I have not felt these feelings for a long time. The emotion that is so helpless in a tragic and dramatic situation. I hoped to be your support. Did I take too long to get better? Was I too late? Could I have talked some sense into you? What if I wasn't so cold and broken...could I then? I want you to be ok. I want to fight for you to be ok. I want to make sure you are ok. Distance will not stop me from fighting for you.

Most of all I'm angry at you and your choices. The first person to let me down entirely is the first person who seemed to understand me. I will fight for you sanity...