In the 7 years of this battle with my own mental health issues mental health is important to me.

Mental health has always been an interest of mine. The way in which our minds react to good or bad situations. These situations can be traumatic and they can be pretty pleasant. Every year for about 7 years I have written something on or before Halloween about my mother. I do not think it is luck of just circumstances that have made me not write one before this time. I was deliberate about it.

I have had a very hard time with my Mother's death. It has been a ghost in my life that haunts me so terribly. Most of the reasons I believe that it has been such a process is the fact that my Mother's disease began when I was 4 and ended when I was 16. When we are of the age of 3 we start to formulate memories. Our brains are mature enough to form web thinking. We don't actually never remember stuff...it is because we have no way of retrieving the memory. It is stuck somewhere in our brains however until we develop web thinking and a ton of other complicated things...we have no resource. Thankfully when my mom started to go through treatment I was at the age where I could remember...

It then ended on an age that is high in puberty, it is in this teenage stage that is deadly to all. There are already extreme lows and extreme highs at the age of 16. We not only notice that feelings about another human being can be there but we are acting on those feelings of lust. A lot is going on.

In the 7 years of this battle with my own mental health issues mental health is important to me.
I can put these 7 years into 5 acts. The progression of my healing has been strange and confusing. Though right now I want to share with you some of things that I have learned. These things are about myself and also what has helped me get through the rough moments.

• I have learned that I am not alone even if my negative thoughts tell me other wise. 
• Wishing that it was different is not accepting anything. 
• Sometimes during a rough night you have to do alone. 
• Being prepared is the absolutely best option for yourself. 
• Keeping busy isn't the best option because there will be a point when you will have to deal with it. 
• Finding what you are good at and finding that your peers think the same can turn into good coping methods. 
• Life giving you lemons and you making lemonade is real. We can't do anything with just lemons. I prefer making a lemon pepper fish. 
• Talking about it to someone you trust very well. 
• Talking to a therapist. They are paid to past no judgement and they also have been in school for this for years. 
• Friends. As we get older family starts to separate to different states or countries and our friends become our mirrors. 
• When you have a panic attack ask a friend to squeeze you very tightly. It makes you focus on something physical rather than what is in your head and the power of touch is very productive...certain chemicals are produced that act as agents to calming you down. 
• Pin point your vices and drop them as quickly as a hot pan. 
• Be honest in your words when you need someone or something. If you need to be alone. Learn how to say yes and no. 
• Find a new hobby that excites you. This is so cliche. But I picked writing and its apart of me now. 
• If you decide to be put on medication for whatever it is. Take it seriously. Ask a lot of questions about it. For an example, when will they affect me? What is it actually doing to me? Should I also be talking to a therapist instead of a psychiatrist? Why are you choosing this medication for me? How will we know this is a great fit for me?

Whatever you are going through that has caused you to have sleepless nights endlessly, that has made you feel very overwhelmed, and most importantly what has caused you to have the same affect in every situation, event, and moment (its normally called a flat affect, showing no emotions) take the steps on your own and ask for help.

The other night I was trying to sleep. I was exhausted by the nights before and needed sleep. I had to get up at 5:30am. My best friend was sleeping next to me and she was passed out. I couldn't sleep. It was 1am, then 2am, then 3am. My mind wouldn't stop thinking! I couldn't shut it off. The fact that I had to be up so soon was making me escalate. It started to remind me about the nights in college where I was so stressed so overwhelmed and trying to cope with my mom not being at my graduation because she was dead.
There is this technique at work that we use with LfAD, IED, and many other kinds low functioning patients...we squeeze them. We give them a weighted blanket. I thought in that moment why wouldn't that work for me right now? So I asked her, "Can you squeeze me really hard?". She did as I asked and 5 minutes later I was asleep. The next night I slept like a dream.
I don't think that will work for everyone but I put a lot of work into myself and the life around me so that I can live a better life. Most of these things contribute to mental achievements but I am so proud of them.
I am more sure of myself, I believe in myself, I know when to say no or yes, I can have fun and let loose once in awhile, I am becoming ambitious, and the reins our in my hands instead of on the floor where no one can reach them.