Or will I stop caring and if I stop caring, I will be ok?

I'm not quite sure who reads this blog anymore because the people who are viewing it are coming from all over the world. I'm glad that my words or something someone wants to come back to. It's encouraging to stay positive through whatever but also to really feel everything in a new way. Most of you read my blog about Spain which I wish was still going on.

Today I'm going to write about "culture shock". When you first hear, it seems like there really is only one meaning. Though the Spain meetings I went to before we took off said a lot more than just one meaning. I'm starting to realize that. School is back in session and I'm starting to see familiar faces that ask all the familiar and same questions. How are you? How was Spain? Are you adjusting? They are all legitimate questions.

I answer them in my shortest response possible because honestly people aren't ready for me to explode Spain at them. I could talk endlessly about it. The adventures, foods, places, people, economy, habits, landscape, views, smells, and etc.

As I go down my list of things that are different, I come across one indifferent thing about myself. My relationship with God the Almighty. Since sometime in the middle of Spain I haven't been to church, I did go on Christmas though. Every time Sunday hit, something happened on Sunday. Either hanging out with my niece, woke up too late, roads were unsafe due to snow for a new "winter" driver, or it was my birthday and the night before I went to bed at 6am. I haven't gotten the fair chance to even decide if I didn't want to go. I tried a podcast one time when I wasn't able to go and I love hearing the message. But I missing the community. Singing with so many other people or listening to the Bible being preached.

My heart for Lord seemed to be quieted down by life events. Like it was being scolded by some parent who isn't mine. Me being five years old, looking up at them and wondering what I did wrong. Like the world comes down so hard because I can't understand what I did wrong. Me, waiting for my parent to swoop in and save me.

What I'm I suppose to do or how I'm I suppose to solve this? Its affecting my decisions with things as well. For moment in time I had thoughts of leaving this faith and pursuing something else. Not another religion but just a different path. It crossed my mind for a moment. I'm not sure if you know this but having faith is incredibly hard.... It is like crops growing. They need to be tended to in several ways. Water, good soil, sun, and tender loving care. You can't just care....you need so many other things to keep the plant living.

As stress is added on as school starts up...I start to think of how I will handle all these issues on my own. Or will I stop caring and if I stop caring, I will be ok? No, I don't think that will work. uhm we will see